Is self-care just vanity whose purpose is to assimilate oneself into the panopticon of social media where many of us live? Or is it a vital daily practice that empowers us to live and function at higher levels well into our golden years?
Whether I have exhausted my muscles in a workout, sat uncomfortably in ice water, boiled my blood in a sauna and then proceeded to lather a vitamin-C and hyaluronic-acid-infused serum on my face, that’s a question I’ve often asked myself.
Admittedly, sometimes my daily self-care routine does seem rather exorbitant. Is there a line to be drawn to distinguish the egoic side of a “beauty routine” from basic nourishing personal hygiene habits? Or do the benefits of burnishing up one’s body outweigh the time and money costs?
If it’s the former, I wonder whether that boundary is crossed when we’re simply ensuring there aren’t any of the dirty dozen chemicals (like parabens) in the skin and hair products we use. Or when the daily regime involves cleansers, toners, retinol, peptides, and things that sound like they could be in a $20 smoothie at Erewhon (that’s squalenes and apricots with kernel oil if you’re wondering).
What about supplements? Is it enough to simply supplement our daily diet with micronutrients that may be missing — such as a multivitamin and Omega 3? Or should we embark on an anti-aging journey with cell-regenerative nutraceuticals and tripeptides to reduce oxidative damage by eliminating toxins?
What of Nootropics? Should we supercharge the brain for optimal function for our weekly team meetings and podcasts or only use these so-called “smart drugs” when we are at risk for degenerative diseases of the mind, such as Alzheimer’s?
In the gym, are we trying to look and function like a Marvel Avenger or just be healthy enough so we can get up off a chair by virtue of our own core strength?
A quick search on Quora about the question of men caring about their looks, and thusly taking care of themselves, resulted in some 38,000 votes on the platform. Such questions are often pondered on the internet as the times change and people look for affirmative evidence that it’s okay they’ve secretly been using their wife’s skin-care products and taking a B-complex vitamin…and want to ratchet things up a notch or two.
You see, self-care of mind and body was never unmasculine. For starters, James Bond did it.
Bond would swim in the ocean and then jog back to his starting place to train his body for a specific upcoming mission. In evening, he always had a cold shower or a hot bath and maybe a chilled glass Pernod (optional) before venturing out.
Throughout Ian Flemming’s body of work, Bond was known for using some of England’s finest soaps, and when asked why he didn’t wear cologne, he simply responded, “Because I wash.”
“He [Bond] went into the bathroom and had an ice-cold shower and washed his hair with Pinaud Elixir, that prince among shampoos, to get the dust of the roads out of it…”
Ian Flemming
Flemming’s Bond also dabbled in old-school Nootropics, using Benzedrine to stave off the effects of drinking so he could win at a game of cards and trick the villain, Hugo Drax, to blow the gaff on his world-domination plan in Moonraker. It was the same substance he took with coffee in The Spy Who Loved Me.
Granted, Bond’s amphetamine of choice is now a highly controlled substance, given that it’s both harmful and addictive.
And if a fictional character’s routine isn’t enough for you, let’s go further back to the time of the (Roman) gladiators.
Gladiators would shave their faces and bodies as part of a pre-battle ritual to have a more identifiable and intimidating appearance, as well wash extensively to help stave off potential infections from wounds inflicted by rusty swords and other weapons.
In fact, shaving in Ancient Rome was not merely a personal hygiene practice but a significant cultural and social ritual that reflected one’s status and role in society. They even plucked their armpit hair and post-shave, perfumes and oils were applied to soothe the skin.
The point is, self-care for men has always been a thing.
And its benefits cut two ways. On one hand, self-care can empower you to look and feel your best, perform at your highest level, and garner positive attention. Contrarily, a lack of self-care can not only impoverish your health and confidence, but it can even be a distraction to others. I don’t know about you, but on those days when I rush out the door with bad breath, bad hair, and a slouchy outfit, I don’t feel like I’m ready to win!
What I like about my self-care routine is that it feels inwardly enriching and outwardly momentum-building.
After waking up in the morning, stretching or doing a workout, meditating and/or doing breath work, using natural light or red-light therapy, taking a cold plunge or a brisk shower, and finishing off with a little skin care and a nutrient-rich meal, literally makes me feel ready for the day. It gives me an early win and a felt sense of “no matter what unforeseen events try to derail me today, at least I got one thing right.”
This enables me to give my best to the world — just like Bond when he has a cold shower, dons his best threads, and ingests a wee daube of a nootropic before he heads out to save the world!
Still, the question remains: Where is the line between ego-driven societal expectation and self-care as self-respect? And how do we define that for ourselves?
While there's nothing wrong with being content and comfortable in your own skin, it's important to recognize that taking care of your appearance can positively impact your relationships, self-esteem, confidence, and overall well-being.
One way of looking at it is this: A woman, or a partner, wants to know that you care about them. Part of what you communicate when you take care of your body, is that you care enough about them, to take care of yourself. Think about it this way, are you really showing respect and love for your partner by being overweight? By paying no attention to what you wear when you out with them? By getting the cheapest haircut you can find? You know you’re not! The same could be said of how you show up for your colleagues — you show respect to them by showing up ready to achieve the best results for the team (that means looking presentable and feeling and doing your best).
Another way of looking at it, as Aubrey Marcus, author of Own the Day, Own Your Life, says, “Your body is the only car you are ever given to drive. It’s up to you whether you want to supercharge that and make it purr like a kitten or roar like a hemi for the next 200,000 miles, or whether you’re going to let it rust out into a junker at a metal scrapyard.”
In other words, self-care through fitness, nutrition, and even a skin-health routine is as much about your long-term health as it is about the day in front of you. Unlike something like cosmetic surgery — where you can go for a longish nap, wake up and find some part of your body has been reduced or augmented — self-care requires work and dedication, and thus, through resilience, builds your personal character. There are no miracle potions; results are experienced over the long haul.
The sooner we commit, the sooner we’re on the road to better health and well-being.
To achieve this, we could throw all the potions and lotions into our self-care routine (which has all too often been my method) or take a more nuanced approach. This means dialing down the routine to just the products that offer enough benefit to outweigh the drag on your time and whack to your wallet.
Alongside that, I advocate for ignoring the aforementioned panopticon of social media and more or less conducting your self-care routine by the credo of “Choose your own adventure.”
What are your goals? What aspects of your self-care routine offer a substantial or even subtle step toward those goals? Achievement in life is a game often won on the margins, so even the smallest upgrades can lead to outsized results in health and personal performance outcomes.
As such, a self-care routine is as much about what you subtract from your routine as what you add. This involves regularly monitoring and testing the results of the different components of your regime and selecting the most vital — at your own discretion.
In other words, as it should be, self-care is highly personal. While those in your life may benefit from you taking good care of yourself, it really comes down to how it makes you feel. Moreover, while you can’t change all of the toll life takes on you, you certainly can adjust your sails along the way to better empower you to reach those desired destinations.
My view is that self-care is almost entirely a net positive, and self-care shame is only reserved for those who can’t muster the gumption to commit to it. While we all can’t necessarily afford anti-aging hyperbaric chambers, far infrared saunas, or the finest English soaps, we can all exercise, eat clean healthy food, and meditate. We can splash cold water on our bodies and, like the Roman Gladiators, keep ’em clean and battle-ready. As for plucking armpit hair, that’s up to you.
